I’ve been struggling with the notion of self vs. object referral these last few weeks. Facing the spiritual struggle I have, finding a reference point that allows me to become centred has been critical to moving through a very challenging time.
Self referral occurs when the self – the true self, the spirit, the soul – is our centre of happiness. Object referral occurs when our centre of happiness is the result of an object – such as money, a house or a car - or a person, a relationship, a title, or position of power. In object referral, our attachment to how the money, how the person or how the power makes us feel becomes our centre of happiness, and of course, it lasts only as long as the object does.
Apparently self referral is permanent. It brings permanent happiness, because our spirits, our souls, are likewise everlasting.
In object referral, our happiness is dominated by our ego, which is the story we have devised over the course of our lives that we project outwards to explain to the world who we think we are. Our ego becomes attached to the objects of our referral because we need them in order to continue to tell the world the story that we have created about ourselves. No object, no story.
I’ve been trying to ground myself in spirit or self referral of late. A lifetime of being at the whim of my relationships with other people, with money, with power, with ego, have left me feeling pretty damn empty, lonesome, and physiologically bruised. Its just not fun anymore.
The trouble is, I’m not certain how to stay centred in self referral.
I spend a lot of time everyday in meditation, which is supposed to help. This time of silence is like rinsing my soul with cool water. I feel refreshed afterwards. Following my morning time of silence (which I do at 5am most mornings to ensure Rio and Silas will be asleep) I read a set of sutras, and spend some time setting my intentions for the day, and for life. I often emerge from this time feeling very grounded in my spirit. In my soul.
But things can throw me off. An email, a phone call, a text message. Sometimes little things. Sometimes big things. My heart gets pulled back and forth: when I’m in favour, it soars; when I fall out of favour, it plummets. Its during those times that I remind myself that my happiness can’t be dependant on anything but who I know I am deep within.
This notion of reference points is important to me. There are always going to be tough times, pain, sorrow. Fear. Anger. Remorse. Moving through these unattached will be so much easier with spirit as my internal reference point, and not my ego. Feel them, let them go. My ego will want to drag these things along for company so it can continue to tell an old, worn out story about who it thinks I am. I’m going to try and break its grip on my story.
Maybe its just a matter of time, and practice. I'm willing to make the effort.
About Me
- Stephen Legault
- Stephen Legault is a writer, activist, organizational development consultant and fundraiser who lives in Victoria, BC and Canmore, Alberta. Stephen started writing in 1988. Kicked out of his high school biology class, he bought a notebook and sat down in the woods near his Burlington Ontario home and wrote some really awful, angst ridden poetry. Since then, Stephen has written for the Globe and Mail, Canadian Geographic, Outdoor Canada, Canadian Wildlife, and dozens of other periodicals and newspapers. His first book, Carry Tiger to Mountain: The Tao of Activism and Leadership was published in April of 2006 by Arsenal Pulp Press. The Cardinal Divide is the first in a series of environmental murder mysteries featuring Cole Blackwater. It will be published by NeWest Press in November of 2008. The series will combine gritty, action-oriented stories and rich human drama with real environmental and social justice conflicts. Stephen is a runner, photographer, and father of two beautiful boyz: Rio Bergen and Silas Morgen. He and his partner Jenn travel and explore the natural world of the Pacific Northwest and Rocky Mountains.