The Attachment Theory of Suffering

It’s a horrible way to start a piece of writing, but I can’t help myself: in the 1970’s the one-radio-station town I grew up in (Timmins, Ontario) must have played Frankie Valli’s My Eyes Adored You in some kind of masochistic continuous loop so that the lyrics “so close, so close but yet so far…” have been hard wired into my brain’s chemical make up.

Once they are in there, it’s hard to get them out short of an invasive surgical procedure.

So imagine my surprise when I was sitting in meditation on a rock perched on a steep hillside in Munnar, India, at sunrise, when a twist on these immortal words surfaced through the miasma of my mind:

I am so far, so far, and yet so close….

It would be misleading to say that I had expectations of enlightenment heading to India. I actually have no expectations of enlightenment in this lifetime, let alone during a three week vacation.

I know people who claim to be “going for enlightenment” in this lifetime and I admire them, through it does sound a little bit akin to announcing that you are “gong for a latte.”

Enlightenment, in my very limited knowledge of Buddhism, is permanent freedom from suffering. It is a state of continuous liberty from hate, greed and delusion. The enlightened have freed themselves from suffering through a profound understanding of the Four Noble Truths and by following the Eight Fold Path.

This isn’t scholarly or intellectual understanding that might come with study, and the ability to recite the noble truths and eight fold path like the multiplication tables: it is emotional understanding. It’s an experiential understanding. It’s centred in the heart not the head.

This is, in essence, the path to understanding the origin and nature of suffering: that attachment and delusion leads to suffering. Suffering can end when we free ourselves from attachment and from delusion.

Now bear with me a moment while I walk through a brief recitation of some of the Buddhist cannon. I promise to get back to Frankie Valli shortly.

The First Nobble Truth is that suffering exists.

There is the ordinary kind of suffering: pain, sickness, disease, separation from loved ones, not getting the happy meal prize that we really, really want.

There is suffering produced by change: something good comes to and end. We lose a loved one, our marriage falls apart, our favourite TV show gets cancelled.

And then there is suffering as a conditioned state: our attachment to our own ego; our sensations, perceptions, our illusions, our stories, ideas, consciousness and our bodies.

The Second Nobble Truth is that suffering is caused by an attachment to desire or by delusion.

We might be attached to something pleasurable: good food, music, sex, other comforts.

We might be attached to ambition or ego.

We may be attached to the desire to rid ourselves of unpleasant experiences: anger, pain, fear, jealously.

Germaine, it seems to be, to the Second Nobble truth is that we delude ourselves into believing that attaining that which we desire will somehow end our quest for it. But as we all know, the desire is rarely slaked by obtaining that which we seek. We just want more. Even if we what we what more of is less suffering.

The Third Nobble Truth is that suffering can end by letting go our attachment to desire, craving, and delusion. Easier said than done.

The Fourth Nobble Truth is that there is a path to end suffering and that is The Eightfold Path.

The elements of the Eightfold Path are right understanding, right thought, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, and right concentration.

All of this, of course, was whirring around in my head along with Frankie Valli’s song as I watched the sun spill over the crest of forested mountains and paint the tea plantations below me with morning light.

Not.

In fact, what was going through my mind was that I was two weeks into a three week trip to India and I hadn’t had a single deep thought yet. I felt further away from a sense of peace and understanding I had been before I stepped off the plane onto Indian soil.

Peace is really what I am seeking. I’m starting too far back in the pack to hope for, or even really want, enlightenment. I would settle for peace. And bliss: that wondrous sense of connection I feel, from time to time, with all people and places and things.

But instead I was feeling very, very far away from peace, bliss or detachment.

And then it dawned on me.

If one of the Four Nobble Truths to end suffering is detachment, then no wonder I was struggling: I am attached to my own suffering.

Here’s how this works: like everybody, I’ve had my share of experiences that have been painful. I’ve also caused a lot of pain in my life. I’ve been hurt, and I’ve caused a lot of hurt.

I cling to these experiences. I can’t seem to let them go. I relive them over and over again in my head.

When I think about some of the people I have hurt, people who have forgiven me, I still feel deep remorse.

When I think about the times I feel I have been done wrong, I can’t let go of the need to seek resolution from these incidents.

As a result, I grow dour from having hurt others, and spiteful and angry from being hurt. This attachment to suffering in turn creates its own suffering. It’s the epitome of a vicious cycle.

And its one that I know I must break if I am to find the freedom and the peace that I seek. So far, but so close….

So the sun broke over the horizon and spilled its grainy light across the tea plantations and I sat on my rock, amused and somewhat perplexed at the awkward marriage of bad 1970’s pop ballads and a brief, blinding insight. And I’m left wondering: now what? What do I do with this?

Build on it. Tear it down. Take it with me on the path to freedom. Let it go.

(Sunrise in Munnar, India, from my meditation rock)